highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Still dying that you shit outside
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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