I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
