I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
