Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
