Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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