I just threw up on my dentist
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
