I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
