So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
