What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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