haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm getting married
To pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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