Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
