I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize