We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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