They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Say something about gay babies.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
