the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
