It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
