Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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