are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
too bad you live with your parents still
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
