is your mom at the bar?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
