I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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