Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
