i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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