I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she pinky promised me she was 18
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
