sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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