there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
