still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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