Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
