I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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