no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
