Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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