so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
