Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
