i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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