Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
