Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
