and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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