God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
