I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
