Hey man sorry I got all grabby
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
True strength comes from lack of pants
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
