shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
