In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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