it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize