and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
