I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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