i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
