I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
