i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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