All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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