Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
