kristin has been a bad kristin
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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