I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
