laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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