I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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