Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
