I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
