DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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