I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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