So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
