i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
