Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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