He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize