My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
