Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
