Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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