sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
