This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
