You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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