We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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